One Thousand Dreams

Not gone... just lost

2006-02-08T13:41:00.000-08:00

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It has been a hard time with respect to my vlogging. I could not find what to say or how to say it and since I've been quite bussy with my daily work and enjoyed that, it hasn't been to difficult to let it slide, day after day... week after week... month after month.

Give me a bit of time.

I am not gone, I just got lost

Quotes

2005-12-22T21:21:00.000-08:00

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I don't need the money, dear. I work for art.
--Maria Callas

The essence of all art is to have pleasure in giving pleasure.
--Dale Carnegie

Every artist writes his own autobiography.
--Henry Ellis

Everyone will be famous for 15 minutes.
--Andy Warhol

An artist is a dreamer consenting to dream of the actual world.
--George Santayana

Faces

2005-12-18T00:40:00.000-08:00

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I've changed my face so many times, that some times I forget who I am.
Thanks H.

Surf and Alex

2005-12-15T23:16:00.000-08:00

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Went to the beach last afternoon. While Alex had a blast in the surf, the seagles were trying to eat my lunch.

They didn't get the food but eventually they got the papers from my bag. How am I going to tell my teacher now that a seagle ate my homework?

Thanks to Vloggers Yahoo Group

2005-12-09T16:47:00.000-08:00

Watch the movie.

It was a week of research in which I have learned a lot and discover how little I know. Thanks for the help to:
Creative Commons
ScreenCast Online
Audioblog
vSocial and special mention to the guys at Vloggers Yahoo Groups, and the vloggers community.

You all are awesome!!!!

Flea market

2005-12-05T21:25:00.000-08:00

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I went to the "antique flea market" at the Irvine Valley College. I have this attraction for old, weird, rusty stuff. They had some really cool things but the prices were just too OC for me.

It was nice anyway. The music is a fast first try to Garage Band.

"loneliness,... my lover"

2005-12-05T13:15:00.000-08:00

Watch the movie.

I met her more than 12 years ago, at the end of a cold winter, shortly after I met my wife....

Vlogger's block

2005-11-28T19:25:00.000-08:00

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Sometimes I need to go out to find inspiration. Sometimes I don't find it.
But just driving is a help.

Wrong Perceptions; part 2

2005-11-26T16:40:00.000-08:00

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Now let's watch the movie with a different visual perspective.

If you haven't watch the previous movie, do it now.

Wrong Perceptions

2005-11-26T16:35:00.000-08:00

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I found really interesting how we associate certain sounds with specific situations, even if we don't have a clear visual of the action. Our imagination tends to fill up the hoies our perception tends to produce.

This is a fun example. First you have to watch this movie then the next one.

The sound is the same, the images tell a different story.

2005-11-25T11:25:00.000-08:00

Morning Coffee

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This is one of our favourite spots. Nice sunny day, nice environment, nice service, great music and... fresh coffee.

For my kids of course is nice hot chocolate and coloring books.

2005-11-23T11:30:00.000-08:00

We got a Cat; we call her "blue"

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So, a couple of weeks ago we went to the shelter and got a cat. Ok, I've always been a "dog" kind of guy. And since the time we had to leave our dog "Arnold" in Spain, I was still hurting about having another animal to replace him... But Fabia was insisting so much.

Anyway, we got this 2 years old female called Sheba, from whom we didn't know much. She just looked shy.

The first week she become the "cat from hell". She run and hide in our closet and would hisssssss at us when approached. Pretty much we thought we had an antisocial beast in our household. We were advised to be patient and so we did (it was hard since I love having animals around so I can pet them and touch them and didn't make much of a sense to get one that disappears and just come back to eat and poo.

But for the last week, "blue" (her new name) has turned around. First coming out of the closet, not hissing at us and now she loves jumping on our bed and having a "petting" session from any of us.

We hope with time she will come out of our room and join the rest of the family. I love this cat!.

Got iPod?

2005-11-23T09:36:00.000-08:00

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Xmas is coming. My wife went shopping and got me a present. Just a bit of a problem... She has a hard time keeping a secret. So, lucky for me I got my present a month in advance.

A sweeeeeet black, 60 Gb, iPod. Videoooooooooooooo.

Now I will be seeing my favorite Podcasts and Vlogs from my brand new baby.

Thanks love!!!!

Being the Underdog

2005-11-21T13:54:00.000-08:00

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Yet another of my monologs. This time I dissert about being the underdog in this culture.

"I am number ONE", our kids are taught in school, TV and sport events. "Number TWO is the first looser", they repeat to us....

I want to be the underdog.

Just a conversation

2005-11-16T17:32:00.000-08:00

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I was surfing the web today and found some really interesting articles and information. These made me reflect about issues that have been on my mind lately.

New technology; where is it taking us? Grassroots media; will it keep grass root? Is it all about "the money"?

So I decided to have a conversation with you or at least share my thoughts... to loosen up the feeling of isolation.

Night lights

2005-11-11T22:16:00.000-08:00

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Sometimes I like to take a place, or an event to which we associate an specific feeling or mood and try to change it, giving it a totally different approach.
I went to Disneyland this afternoon (since we have a yearly pass) and got some footage of the lights using manualy the focus of my videocamera. Then I added some music of Peter Gabriel from the movie “The Last Temptation of Christ” and made a fast remix.
This is the result… a night in Disneyland.

Hard Day

2005-11-10T16:26:00.000-08:00

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I was having a really hard time today. Little sleep, lots of work, too many question, not enough answers. I thought about not posting anything for a while, just let it settle down, see how it feels... My fear is that I will never get back to do it, so I forced myself to record my internal talk and post it here.

Where am I going with this? How can I find inspiration? What are my rights as a videobloger? Technology is so overwhelming.
These are the questions I have today.

Days like this suck!!!.

My design process: working with typography

2005-11-09T19:40:00.000-08:00

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This is my second video on the series about my design process.
Finally I found some time to sit and work on the website for my freelance studio. Today I talk about choosing the typography as an esential part of the design.

Fonts have their own personality and you have to choose carefully so they are in accordance with the message you want to send with the design.

You can see the first video of this serie here.

Enjoy.

Touchme

2005-11-06T18:17:00.000-08:00

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I miss the warmth of a life rubbing on me.
I was thinking how scared we are in this culture to touch other people.

Technology has evolved, allowing people to get in contact at any moment, from any part of the world, but the irony is, we have grown more distant, we have lost the importance of physical touch, the warm feel of a life that could break the spell under which we live, the spell that says we are the only real characters on this Broadway play we call life.

I got a virus

2005-11-03T18:19:00.000-08:00

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Since yesterday I've been receiving hundred of bounced emails as "delivery failure" from all over the world as if I was the one who sent them.

Seems I got a virus on my email server that is using my account to send "spam" around the web. At my hosting company they told me there is nothing they can do... Neither can I.

Call the doctor? Get a shot? Change my mail?
I hate spam. Do they think anybody is going to click on those mails?

Attention, this video may produce seizures, headaches, double vision, incontinence and heart burn, consult your doctor before watching it, or under your own risk.

My archive of Vids

2005-11-02T06:52:00.000-08:00

Video archive by Mefeedia

I just added a link to all my Video Archive. You can check them out clicking the link on the right sidebar. Thanks to Mefeedia and Ryanne.

A short Conversation with Enrique

2005-11-01T07:08:00.000-08:00

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Yesterday I had lunch with my frind Enrique Grullon at a wonderful Asian place. He just came back to the USA after living for three years in Treviso, Italy, wher he worked as a consultant for the interactive department at FABRICA; the communication research center of Benetton Group.

Enrique is an awesome interactive designer and had some ideas to share with us about living over seas and future plans.

Are Videobloggers taking a stand?

2005-10-30T14:51:00.000-08:00

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I was having a conversation with Fabia; my wife, about how in the 60's there was in America an awakening on the social consciousness of the new generations. How they took stand for what they thought was right and how at that moment they had options and ways to move people and to push the government to listen and change things.
Through rallies, public performances, poets, singers, writers, they counted with so many mediums to reach people, to share and learn from each other.

Now we have the Internet, just a click away we are in contact with the all world. But are we really listening to everybody, or just hearing what we want to hear.

Are we vloggers taking responsibility for the "power" we have in our hands? . Do we want to?

This is just a small part of the conversation we had, I was thinking on maybe posting the all conversation as a pod cast, we'll see.

Featured vlogs

2005-10-29T00:17:00.000-07:00

Ey, some of my vlogs were featured in Steve Garfield's Video Blog "Vlog Soup". It was kind of funny to see some of my postings there. And I got a laugh out of my accent at the closing scene.

Thanks Steve.

Squared Media

2005-10-28T17:04:00.000-07:00

Watch the movie. (part1)

"I am always trying to do what I can not do yet, in order to learn how to do it"...
Ok, I didn't say this. It is a quote from Vincent Van Gogh, but in any case I totally feel identified.

We "vloggers" are not media professionals (at least I am not), we are just learning the tools, the language, the do's and dont's, the rules... So I am continuously looking for new ways to brake them, to play with them.

This movie is meant to be seen on a page with grey background (the one that usually pops up when you click on the link for a movie... (the standard, if you know what I mean). Soooo it should work if you just click the link on top.

I have a second part that I will be posting soon... I have other things to do besides posting "friggin" videos. One has to eat you know....

Enjoy

Life in the Sea II

2005-10-27T10:12:00.000-07:00

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As I promised here it is the second video from my visit to Long Beach Aquarium. The creatures may not be as colorful and fancy as the once before but still have their own beauty.

While at the Aquarium, I talked to some of the people who take care of the animals, about the richness of the sea and how we are destroying it. So I made an effort to point that out in the video.

If you pass by Long Beach, don't forget to visit them, they have a wonderful exhibit called "Whales; a journey with giants".

Beauty Underwater

2005-10-25T17:05:00.000-07:00

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There are so many beauty around us. Nature is a fountain for inspiration. Sit down for a moment, relax and let the world around you to talk, to tell you all that has to offer.

This morning I went to Long Beach Aquarium and got some footage. The light is not perfect; so much of the color is missed, but still one can grasp the wonders living under the sea. Incredible creatures that seem to come out of a Sci-Fi movie and be the inspiration for some of the most famous monster on the big screen. Their textures, their movements.
Let the underwater inspire you.

Lords of Dogtown.

2005-10-22T16:28:00.000-07:00

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I went to Newport Beach early this morning. Surf was up... well, surfers were up, surf was down. A beautiful overcast day that invited to sit on the sand and breath the freshness from the sea.

This is some of the footage.

Shaving my Head; a wonderfully Therapy.

2005-10-21T11:30:00.000-07:00

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Some people go shopping, some eat chocolates, some visit the therapist... I shave my head (and all the above).
New start, clean new page, refreshing like the morning dew and it takes away the worries about how I am going to wear my hair next morning.

Try it,... Just don't do it while holding a camera with your other hand.
Music: March from A Clockwork Orange (Ninth Symphony, Fourth Movement, Abridged) by Wendy Carlos. One of my favorites.

Alex Gets His White Belt

2005-10-20T22:16:00.000-07:00

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Today Alex passed his test for white belt at his TaeKwonDo school "Talium".
He did a great job. I was very impress, even more than with his masters and instructors whom have proven time after time so much patience to deal with all the little kids.

Alex has learned the "Ten closed hand blocks", forward taekwondo kicking: front snap, roundhouse and knee strike and the self defense wrist grab (we have to practice this one a bit more). And he came back home with his new belt, a trophy and a piece of wood he broke with his incredible "fist attack".

Cogratulations son!!

You can watch other of Alex's movies in his vlog.
KamSa HamNeeDah (thank you in Korean)

My design Process

2005-10-18T21:48:00.000-07:00

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I've been quite bussy for the last couple of weeks, but I found time to start the design of the website for my studio; "Escorial Design".

I know, I know... the name is lame but didn't want to expent too much energy coming up with something smart, and witty, and clever that would define me and help to build a perfect image of me for my prospective clients. So it is "Escorial Design.

No additives, conservants or colorants, pure ED.
Anyway, I decided to film how the creative and the production process goes as I advance on the site. Today I talk about the first sketches.

Rain

2005-10-16T20:57:00.000-07:00

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Today was raining and the colors of the street were beautiful.
It reminded me of Spain when I was a kid and in rainy days I would look out the window and observe how the water would take the leaves from the trees and carried them away.

The smell of wet earth, the fresh air, and the feeling that everything was being cleansed.
Our pains and our sins, our fears and nightmares, washed away by the rain.

Lux Aeterna

2005-10-16T14:49:00.000-07:00

We are like a sparkle of fireworks on a fourth of July.
We carry our own beauty and uniqueness.
We are born, existing for a moment and extinguishing. Nothing for ourselves and everything. Not different than the rest but unique in our own.
We are light for a speckle of time in the immensity of the universe, and in that short moment, we form a greater beauty we sometimes fail to recognize.

Where Did Your Dreams go?

2005-10-14T16:39:00.000-07:00

Did you leave them behind.
It is not a coincidence my web site and my blog are called "One Thousand Dreams".
You may say I am a dreamer, but I am not the only one.
As Marianne Faithful says in the song for the movie "La Cité des Enfants Perdu" (The City of Lost Childrens):
I can give you all my dreams,
all the life I lived.
You and I know what frienship means,
it's all we got to give.
(...)
Who will take your dreams away,
takes your soul another day.
What can never be lost,
it's gone
stolen and away.
(...)

Why Do I Videoblog?

2005-10-11T16:40:00.000-07:00

For those of you who may have problems understanding my strong accent, you can read the post here:

I guess in the life of any vloger there is a moment where we all ask orselves "why we blog?".

What makes us take a camera and record the most various and picturesque moments of life?. From artistic shoots to newscast, from daily life events to the most intimate thoughts.

I’ve expend a good time trying to figured out why I do it. What desire or unconscious reason lays behind all of it. I am an artist, or that’s what my wife tells me. I am not sure how an artist is supposed to feel thought, the truth is that I feel like I have to tell things. No matter what or how I just have this embedded desire to communicate all kind of ideas that are born in my mind.
I remember when in my first job as a creative designer in an advertising company in Spain, the creative director told me: “Luis, you are a story-teller”.
I didn’t know how to take it at that time. I wasn’t even sure if he was close to the truth, but my professional path has taken me in a way where I can express those stories living inside of me, so in some way I am a storyteller.

Working as a print designer first and as a web designer for the last 9 years I had plenty of time to develop and experiment on the matter. I created One Thousand Dreams; my website, and it has served as my medium to express from random thoughts to my most intimate feelings. As an art director I always fought with my concept of creating websites as experiences instead of just a bunch of cyber-pages full of content more or less amusing.

That has brought me some problems, discussions with clients, ups and downs and a lot of nights debating with myself if I should keep doing design or just quit altogether.
In any case I haven’t found yet the answer and if I ever do I wonder if due to my personality I’ll be able to recognize it or admit it.

After using pen and paper, a computer and a mouse, oils, acrylics, color pencils, HTML, Photoshop, Flash and every single software I could put my hands on it was just a question of time until I decided to pick up a camera. I don’t want to go into discussion about what medium is better since I am of the firm conviction any one is good if you know how to use it… and even if you don’t, but let’s be honest, in my case moving pictures with sound and voice gets quite attractive when you think about telling stories.
And, that’s how I got hooked up in my new adventure with “video blogging”.

The HOW and WHY takes shape with this reasoning, but this shape is just a ghost in the fog with its blurred outline. So open to guessing and imagination

Exhibitionism, egomania, artistic thirst, just simple fun or more accurate a bit of everything. It doesn’t matter the reason anyway, and considering that looking for this makes me too aware of what I am trying to say, increases my anxiety about pleasing others, raises doubts about the usefulness of my work and finally kills my creative process, I rather leave that shape as a blurred ghostly presence.

So after all the debate and this long posting I guess I should just do it, not asking why or how but enjoying the process and the feeling it gives me to click the button that says “Publish Post”.

Talking About Comics :: Vol.4 :: 100 Bullets

2005-10-10T10:17:00.000-07:00

Volume 4, 100 Bullets. Brian Azzarello and Eduardo Risso.
Last volume for this series, Azzarello & Risso seem to know well the underground corridors of urban life.
With an excellent dialogue, tough and street, 100 bullets presents images that are simple, economic with a wondelfull panel narrative.

These two artist have worked together on other collections as "Batman, Broken City" and "Jonny Double".

I love you Zizi

2005-10-08T20:14:00.000-07:00

I could barely recognize her. Her upper torso, face and hands swollen and all those tubes sticking out of her body. If the nurse had not told me that was her I would have think she was one of those old corpses you see at the Intensive Care Unit that seem empty carcasses not belonging to anybody. Ironically that’s what she was.

She felt so lonely on that cold, antiseptic room, full of monitors, blips and blinks that would break the silence to only accentuate her solitude.
The nurse tells us she can’t hear or see, as she floats in and out of an state of unconsciousness while her destroyed lungs fight to get the next breath of air out of the ventilator they have connected through her throat.
All those cables, and tubes make her look like an abandoned puppet, a rugged doll forgotten on a distant and dark corner of the attic, left there by a kid that has found a newer toy to play with.

For a moment I think we got the wrong patient. This broken body can’t be my Zizi, the smiling woman I remember, the woman who open her house for me and my wife when our life was hard and we only had a suitcase full of broken dreams and needed hopes. Then I look at her face, the small nose, the scars on her forehead she got on a car accident so many years ago, her curly raspy hair and olive Egyptian skin and my heart sinks in sorrow and despair. She looks so little.

I learned to cry long time ago when I came to this country, I left behind the "macho-bull" they feed me since I was a kid, and get to reconcile with my sensitive side. I have cried very often; not embarrassed to admit it, but I hardly remember a time I cried so deep, with such a profound pain coming out of my soul.

I didn’t cry for her physical pain; since she is under strong sedatives I hardly doubt she can feel anything. I didn’t cry because I felt sad about loosing her (although that hurts), I cried because she felt so lonely.
Regardless of how alone she has been since the dead of her late husband, not family to visit, no close friends to talk to, nothing can prepare you for the solitude one has to face when confronted with the final hours in this world.
I only can imagine how cold it must feel to look at the eyes of death while having a friendly hand to grab and give you “comfort” but I can’t barely grasp how cold must be when that hand does not exist.

Dear Zizi, there are so many things I never told you, there are so many “I love yous” I never said, I want to thank you for all your blessings and the time when your life crossed my path for now I know I will carry you forever.

My Zizi is dying in the cold room of a hospital in LA, the cancer eating her lungs. I don’t even know her real age.

Don’t wait to tell those you love, how much you love them, because tomorrow could be too late.

I love you Zizi.

Talking About Comics :: Vol.3 :: Mike Mignola

2005-10-07T20:20:00.000-07:00

Volume 3, Mike Mignola.
Meet Hellboy, a baby demon cojured by the Nazis at the end of WWII and intercepted by the Americans to be raised as a good guy.
Mignola's love for folklore and mythology is reflected on his pages, with a highly distinctive style mix of German Expressionism and Jack Kirby, creator of Fantastic 4.

Talking About Comics :: Vol.2 :: Frank Miller

2005-10-06T20:37:00.000-07:00

Volume 2, Frank Miller.
The creator of comic-classics such as "Batman: The Dark Knight Returns", Ronin, and "Sin City". With his personal voice and narrative and a beautifull artwork, Frank Miller has become one of the stars in the graphic novel's arena.

He co-directed together with Robert Rodrigez and Quentin Tarantino the movie "Sin City".

Talking about Comics :: Vol. 1

2005-10-06T18:49:00.000-07:00

First video of the serie "Talking About Comics".
Being just a hobby, and not as much of an expert, I would like to share with you some of the graphic novels in my collection.

Frank Miller, Mike Mignola, Masamune Shirow and others have been an inspiration in my work as a designer and artist

Just Some Bitching

2005-10-06T08:16:00.000-07:00

After my last three "artsy" postings, I thought it was time to do some "bitching"... what better place to rant as much as you want than your own videoblog (vlog).

See the video-bitching.

This Place is a Prison.

2005-10-05T15:25:00.000-07:00

This place is a prison
and these people aren't your friends
Inhaling thrills through twenty dollar bills
and the tumblers are drained and then flooded
again and again.

There's guards at the onramps
Armed to the teeth
And you may case the grounds
from the cascades to Puget Sound
but you are not permitted to leave.

(...)

--The Postal Service --

Holland Wilde in 49MEDIA

2005-10-05T14:20:00.000-07:00

You have to check out this podcast. Holland Wilde, creator of culturalfarming.com talks with Chris Ritke about the media, the power of images and the present and possibilities of the videoblogs.
Fascinating talk.

It is woth to check some of the other Podcasts at 49MEDIA. Awesome.

Forever Young

2005-10-05T01:09:00.000-07:00

Got to finish this movie at 1:00 am.
Music by Bob Dylan.

Playing with Shapes

2005-10-03T18:47:00.000-07:00

After almost a week on a meditation retreat, I am back...
and this is my new movie.

Peace.

A Random Jewel

2005-09-28T11:07:00.000-07:00

Surfing the web you may find interesting blogs and sites. Sometimes you are lucky to find real jewels like these:

http://www.culturalfarming.com/

http://www.culturalfarming.com/PinealBackPage.htm

http://www.culturalfarming.com/MMovies.htm

Thanks to the guys at “culturalfarming.com”.

To Flag or not to Flag

2005-09-27T14:36:00.000-07:00

So here I was, minding my own business, “bloging” around (I am not sure the verb has been approved by the Academy of English Language), which in my case means surfing randomly by clicking the “next blog” button you can find on the top-right side of the blogs (don’t look at mine, I got rid of it and I will tell you why in a moment).

When I realized that I‘ve been surfing the blogs and posting my own for a good while and never stop to think about what that other button called “Flag” means. So I rollover it and read “Notify Blogger about objectionable content”. So far so good. Ey, I am the first one who agrees that finding porn has become too easy too fast, and don’t forget the infamous “spam”. Then just for the sake of getting more information I click on the link that says “what does this mean?.” There, is when things started going sour.

Acording to Blogger, “the Flag button is not censorship and it cannot be manipulated by angry mobs.”
In the moment I see the word “censorship” anywhere I have goose bumps, either that or it is always chilly when I see it (coincidence may be this capricious).

Then the explanations continues saying: The "Flag?" button allows the blogging community to easily note questionable content, which in turn helps us take action when needed. So we're relying on you, the users, to be our eyes on the web, and to let us know of potential issues that are important to you.”

WOW, WOW, WOW, I yelled to myself (since the kids were still sleeping). Blogger may relay on people to decide what content is “objectionable” , good for them, but I am not that naïve, starting because I would not leave myself to be the judge of what content may be acceptable or not.

It is not that my blog has any political vindication, any party affiliation or any content that can refer to delicate issues, I mean, I am just posting photos of my kids and some other rants about nothing, but could I feel the beginning of control over the internet?. And who says somebody is not going to find my daily movies about “How I wake up” questionable content. They may disagree with some of my comments, they may not like my accent or my hair cut and “FLAG” there you go, freedom of speech went down the toilet.

I am pretty sure it won’t be my case (among other things because I don’t have much hair) but still I don’t like it. I mean, one of the things I like about this country is/was the freedom of speech.

So I started doing some search about the topic to see if somebody had noticed before me or this would be another proof more of my newly born paranoia. And “voila”, I found a bunch of links, info and blogs that have been discussing this issue. And since I am not the kind of guy to start debates and bring massive amounts of data about the subject, I decided to give you few of them:

http://bloggercensors.blogspot.com/

http://revision99.blogspot.com/2005/08/flag-this.html

http://movingmountains.blogspot.com/2005/08/flag-of-censorship.html

http://muchstuff.blogspot.com/2005/08/blogger-flag.html

Read them if you want and get your own conclusions and please do not “Flag” my blog.

Note: I found a way to get rid of the top bar with the “Flag” button, but it got rid of the “Next Blog” button… boy I am screwed, how am I going to keep surfing?

Waking Up

2005-09-27T08:46:00.000-07:00

I could not sleep last night, I was up at 4:00am, so before the kids woke up, I made breakfast and this video.
The house is a bit messy but ey... what do you expect with two kids and no broom.

A Short Good Night

2005-09-26T21:53:00.000-07:00

It's been a hard day of work. After taking care of the kids this morning I kept banging on the web project I am working right now. So far I am quite pleased with the design and this is estrange for me because I am very critical of my work.

I am enjoying my current status as a "freelance". I guess that after more than 10 years of working for another people it feels good to be your own boss (thanks to my wife for her support and help).

Loving the “Video bloging”. Thanks guys at freevlog.org for helping.

Good Night.

China wants only healthy news

2005-09-26T09:34:00.000-07:00

Less than a week ago, I was talking to my wife about my concerns with the possibility of the government interfering and/or controlling the information existing in the internet.

Ok, maybe I was playing devil’s advocate, or perhaps I was been my paranoid-self, but considering some of the “measures” the actual administration has taken after the events of September 11th it didn’t seem too far fetched. Thankfully the net is too vast, thankfully we'll have all those geeks outsmarting the opposing forces. But what about people like my dad whom can not go farther than aol. Will they be left at the mercy of some fascist-control agenda?

The conversation was forgotten until this morning when I found a link from one of the news at yahoo: China Wants Only “Healthy” News on Web.

We all know the political system and cultural situation in China is quite different to the one in the United States, right?, but still brought the concern to my mind. It may not be the government, at least on a direct way, but what about big media conglomerates taking over making us pay for the content we received and the content we post?… just a thought.

If you don’t want to read the all article here are some extracts worth to mention:

“China said Sunday it is imposing new regulations to control content on its news Web sites and will allow the posting of only "healthy and civilized" news.”

Sites should only post news on current events and politics, according to the new regulations issued by the Ministry of Information Industry and China's cabinet, the State Council. The subjects that would be acceptable under those categories was not clear.

While the communist government encourages Internet use for education and business, it also blocks material it deems subversive or pornographic. Online dissidents who post items critical of the government, or those expressing opinions in chatrooms, are regularly arrested and charged under vaguely worded state security laws.

Earlier this month, a French media watchdog group said e-mail account information provided by Internet powerhouse Yahoo Inc. (Nasdaq:YHOO - news) helped lead to the conviction and 10-year prison sentence of a Chinese journalist who had written about media restrictions in an e-mail.

Authorities in Shanghai have installed surveillance cameras and begun requiring visitors to Internet cafes to register with their official identity cards.

Read the all article here.

Riding the Cruiser.

2005-09-25T22:17:00.000-07:00

Riding my cruiser.

My son got his vlog

2005-09-24T16:59:00.000-07:00

Alexander, my 5 years old son has been hanging out around me while I was working on my blog and my movies. At the beginning he didn't seem too interested but after a while he approached me and start asking me all these questions about what I was doing.

After a short, and hopefully understandable for a 5 yeard old boy explanation, Alex decided he wanted to create his own vblog... "so I can make movies for people to whatch" he said.

Ok, I know, I will have to do much of the work but I love sharing this with my kid, so here he goes. Alex Sanz Blog.

Good luck son.

2005-09-24T10:52:00.000-07:00

Katrina eating cheese.
Taking care of my kids in the morning is a real challenge but the time I can expend with them and the things I learn everyday payoff.
One of the most amazing things I’ve realized is how much I need to learn how to let it go.
Let me explain.
Here I have my little daughter, trying to peel a minicheese. She is learning to use her hands. Since her fingers are still small and have to get use to grab objects, every small action becomes a learning exercise an important practice for her motor-skills development.
On the other side is daddy, looking at his daughter struggling with the cheese at hand. Pulling and pushing, biting, squeezing, everything is permitted as long as it gets you to your goal.

I start getting anxious.

The society of today, the modern and advanced times we are living in are teaching us that everything should be fast. Fast walk, fast food, fast connection, we don’t want to wait and stop to enjoy the moment, so… daddy wants to jump and peel off the damn wrap, take out the cheese and be done with it.

But then I realize I am missing the important part, she is learning and then I relax and enjoy the beautiful sight of my daughter unwrapping a minicheese.

Think about it.

Working late.

2005-09-24T01:14:00.000-07:00

Just trying to fix some small problems with my blog and making sure the videos pop-up in a new window.

The kids are sleeping and my wife had "ladies nite" so I have the bathroom all for myself, if you know what I mean

Videos for everyone.

2005-09-23T17:10:00.000-07:00

From now on I will be posting some videos too.
Here goes the first one.

Thanks to Ryanne and Michael from freevlog.org for the excelent tutorials and help with this new adventure.

Eventually I will post all the outtakes... hilarious.

Have to love the "Blogers"

2005-09-23T11:38:00.000-07:00

These are some of the blogs I found around and enjoyed very much.

Principio de Incertudumbre

Kevin Airgid's Vanity Blog

My Life at the Bottom

Back to work.

Vagabond Years

2005-09-22T10:56:00.000-07:00

Arriving in America with only $40 for a short visit, a young Dane, Jacob Holdt ended up staying over five years, hitchhiking more than 100,000 miles throughout the USA.

He sold blood plasma twice weekly to be able to buy film. He lived in more than 400 homes - from the poorest migrant workhttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gifers to America's wealthiest families such as the Rockefellers. They not only gave him a hospitality and warmth, but their continuing friendship to this day.

Back in Denmark he put together the photos he had taken into a multimedia show named American Pictures.

Beautiful!!!!

Everything is Broken-Bob Dylan

2005-09-20T10:53:00.000-07:00

Broken lines, broken strings,
Broken threads, broken springs,
Broken idols, broken heads,
People sleeping in broken beds.
Ain't no use jiving
Ain't no use joking
Everything is broken.

Broken bottles, broken plates,
Broken switches, broken gates,
Broken dishes, broken parts,
Streets are filled with broken hearts.
Broken words never meant to be spoken,
Everything is broken.

Bridge: Seem like every time you stop and turn around
Something else just hit the ground

Broken cutters, broken saws,
Broken buckles, broken laws,
Broken bodies, broken bones,
Broken voices on broken phones.
Take a deep breath, feel like you're chokin',
Everything is broken.

Bridge: Every time you leave and go off someplace
Things fall to pieces in my face

Broken hands on broken ploughs,
Broken treaties, broken vows,
Broken pipes, broken tools,
People bending broken rules.
Hound dog howling, bull frog croaking,
Everything is broken.

Bob Dylan

Solitude

2005-09-19T15:28:00.000-07:00

When it comes to self-knowledge, few are the times when one has the insight of a new discovery, fewer the ones when you can recognize this insight, and almost none when you have the strength to accept it.

I’ve always toyed with the idea of being some kind of solitary person. Although my past history and youth events seemingly indicate otherwise, I thought it fit well my artistic temperament, it seemed quite romantic and mysterious and not too unpleasant since I was never a real outsider. That safety net, that assuredness of established friends allowed me to enjoy my proclaimed alienist behavior.

We all want to be different in one way or another, somewhat special. We all search for the asserted ness of individuality to feed our egocentric instinct. The difference resides in the way we choose to find it.

One day, I left my country and imposed upon myself an exile; more mental than physical, without really knowing the consequences of this act. And bit by bit what had started as a game became a ghost that would haunt my soul until this day.

Loneliness and solitude went from being sporadically guest of my house to making camp in my life and since then - they have become my companions. I learned to disguise them under my prompt smile, and the easiness of my manners when I mingle in group events, whether a birthday, baptism, work-lunch or family meeting, embarrassed by their blunt and crude presence not quite socially accepted.

Don’t misunderstand me. I am lucky to have a beautiful wife I can call my friend and two gorgeous kids that fill my days, but I’ve never been able to shake the feeling of alienation, of being an eternal foreigner in a far away land.

These certainties became unbearable at those moments when walking on the street I look at people and feel how little I have in common with the rest of the world.
Until now I thought the cause of these, to be that I am living in a foreign country, with a different culture and uncommon historical past. These thoughts are meant to happen yet more often when looking at my kids and seeing there is not only a cultural gap but a generational one (for that I am scared and afraid it won’t help to mitigate the differences that are bound to exist between us as they grow to become teenagers).

I see other people with similar living circumstances to mine. Immigrants, travelers that have made what it seems to me a fulfilled life in this country. They found friends, discover new hobbies and expand their horizons. I look at them with good envy amazed at how much I’ve missed and scared of how deep I’ve fallen inside the hole. But not self-pity on these assessments just a big regret for how far I’ve dragged my family into my own loneliness.

I can’t avoid thinking about my grandfather. He was an estranged man I barely knew. A solitary one for what I heard in some sort conversations here and there. A man who died as he lived, lonely and quiet on his bed while the rest of the family kept living in other rooms of the house without noticing the life escaping as a silent sight through his mouth.

His enigma, a secret never to be known, may have been a sign of a heritage solitude that will be pass from generations to come. A predisposition to live in a world apart where not even the closest to you are allowed to trespass.

So I got to discover that what I thought to be a fashionable statement of unruly artistic character it was indeed a truth in myself, and the mask I thought wearing as a disguise has proven to be more real than my face.

The puppets of Nantes

2005-09-17T10:33:00.000-07:00

It is called Performing Arts and it deserves the "Arts" appellative.

I was in awe when I saw this photos & videos of the "Giant puppets" that walk thru Nantes (France) at the celebration of Verne's 100th anniversary.

The spectacle started Thursday, when they placed what it seemed to be some kind of spaceship fallen from the sky. Perfect idea an setting to celebrate the anniversary of the great vissionary. They worked out the details in such a manner as to look like it had crashed on Saint-Pierre Square braking the stones from the ground.

Then next day the spaceship opens and from inside comes out...

Don't miss it,it is beautiful!.

For designers only

2005-09-16T09:42:00.000-07:00

I've found an excellent article on how to manage a project when you are working freelance, but you can apply it anytime.

Here is the article: "How to manage the monster".

Don't miss the work of this guy and his blogg, worth for a daily visit.

Thanks Kevin.

Not much happening

2005-09-15T12:07:00.000-07:00

Not much has happened lately.
I am working on a couple of freelance projects. Really enjoying them, since I am the creative director, art director and designer and so far been able to make the decisions, just waiting for client revisions and feedback. So far there is a way more complete and satisfying experience working freelance. I feel my creativity and skills are getting better or maybe is just that I don’t have a creative director telling me what to do?!

Right now I am on the middle of a new book: “The Karnau Tapes” a novel by Marcel Beyer. It is placed in Germany in the final days of WWII. Hermann Karnau, is a sound engineer obsessed with compiling an archive of every conceivable nuance of human sound. I got it at the Newport Beach Library for $1!!!. They had this cart full of books for just one dollar... so my wife and I got 14. How about that!!!

It reminds me a bit to other book; this time about a man obsessed with smells. The title is “Perfume: The Story of a Murderer” by Patrick Suskin. I find interesting people obsessed with certain themes since it opens you to observe things on a deeper level. Studying the phenomena farther inside you may discover really interesting things.

It may be that I am kind of an obsessive-compulsive person… and I recognize myself on these characters, why not?.

I bought the complete first season of “LOST”. I never heard about it, probably because I was in Spain while the series were playing here. We decided to get rid of the TV and don’t have cable so we only watch DVD’s. I found out about the show through their website. I thought it looked pretty good and since I am not friend of watching series on TV where you have commercial cuts every ten minutes and you watch more advertising than movie, we decided to get the complete season… anyway so far IT IS AWESOME!!!

I am really enjoying it. Very well written and directed. Even the photography is really good for a TV serie, and I love the fact that I can see a complete DVD without commercial interruptions.

I guess that’s all for today.

Peace everybody.

We are what we think

2005-09-10T08:47:00.000-07:00

We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
Buddha.
----------------------
Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill.
Buddha.
----------------------
You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.
Buddha.
----------------------
All things appear and disappear because of the concurrence of causes and conditions. Nothing ever exists entirely alone; everything is in relation to everything else.
Buddha.
----------------------
Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.
Buddha.
----------------------

My daily miracles

2005-09-09T08:24:00.000-07:00

Our day is full of events that passed by unnoticed. I guess it is one of the trades for living in a modern society where our persona is being presented with thousand of stimuly per second.
I got to realize that the price to pay for it is way greater than I bargain for, so whenever possible; mostly when I can get myself to remember (and that is not as often as I whished), I try to be aware of every single thing that is happening in the moment, right now, right here.

This is a basic principle of zen, and meditation among other practice proves to be a way to accomplish it. But out of my 45 minutes of daily sitting alone and in silence, it becomes too easy getting distracted by thoughts of what happened yesterday or plans of a future that may never come, taking my mind for a trip most of the time out of the present.

Life is full of events, good and bad inviting us to be experienced, and some of these are so powerful that we can’t turn our head or close our eyes and go back to sleep.

Every morning when my two kids; Alexander and Katrina wake up I bring them to my bed (the few times they haven’t done it already before I wake up). Resting my head on the pillow watch them play together with that freshness full of energy that only a good night of sleep can give them.

Katrina, two years old, always hugs her older brother whom just turned five. She is a petite blonde angel that wraps her little arms around her beloved sibling and kisses him on the face with one of those smiles that makes everybody melt. Alexander lets her do with the patient of a mother dog with her puppies and hugs her back being already aware of how fragile his little sister is.

While they rest on each other arms for a few seconds, and right before the game of jumping on the bed or hiding under the blankets takes over, I find one of these invitations of life to enjoy the present moment I mentioned before.
It would be impossible to refuse. Not even blind could I missed the magic and beauty of this miracle. Whithout trying to analyze the feeling, or go into reflection that would take me away from that very second, I keep my head on the pillow and live the moment and thank life for giving me not only this two amazing kids but the ability to see the beauty on everything around me.

I can’t hardly think about a better way to wake up to a new day.

Respect for the designers

2005-09-08T20:58:00.000-07:00

Reading today my Communication Arts issue (September October) I found an article by Neil French titled: "Be Polite, Nod Your Head, and Keep Out of My Way", where French gives agencies advice for dealing with junior clients.

Putting on a side the title; too harsh for my taste, and the fact that the article is directed to advertising agencies, I found a great similitude between the situations that are describe in it and the ones I’ve been living (if not suffering) for the past seven years.

Without getting into the content of this article, two points on it called my attention probably because of how many times I’ve seen them happening at the companies I’ve worked for.

1. The first one is the concept of “submitting a project”.
Neil French says: “If ever there was a word designed specifically for the purpose of getting work rejected, that must be it.”

Since big part of the latest strategies to get new clients has been submitting proposals and participating on concourses; where several studios or agencies compete for the account, and developing if not the total campaign at least big part of it free of charge, clients have become used to the idea of receiving submissions in the form of finalized comps, developed ideas and complete projects that are understood as free goodies, most of the time to be rejected.

2. The second is the concept “serving the client”.
French says: “Servants are useful but not essential, can be changed at will, and treated with condescension or brutality, according to whim. They are not the folk you turn for advise, or help in adversity. And you take care of pay them as little as possible”.

Not surprise some clients never pay for the projects we developed for them.

Think what you want, do what you think… some of us still hope this profession will get the respect that deserves.

A Human Disaster

2005-09-03T12:25:00.000-07:00

A Human Disaster

I will not start a political debate. I have never been interested on those matters, neither in my native country where I always voted blank, nor in this country where I’ve been living for the last eleven years.

I don’t want this to be one more of the hundreds of articles, essays, blogger postings or public comments about the events happening in New Orleans since the hurricane Katrina hit American floor.

I am not an expert on natural disasters, not a sociology analyst of intellectual voice, I am not even pretending to say that my opinion has more weight than anybody’s else, I just felt compelled to make a reflection about our human nature.

Soon enough the news will start labeling Hurricane Katrina with “cookie cut” terms we are used to hear every other day. “The biggest natural disaster of the last century in the United States”, “a cultural debacle for the history of New Orleans and the entire Nation”. And all of us will adopt these terms on our daily conversations, thinking that perhaps it will make us look intellectually knowledgeable or hoping at the best that it will cover as a smoke curtain a reality we don’t want to accept. And the reality is that WE ALL HAVE FAILED.

Behind natures’ power we will hide our shame. With pre-made terminologies we will refer to an event that is more than the natural destruction of life, failing by our own egocentricity to see how it reflects a reality that has been living with us for centuries.

We have failed not just with Katrina, we have been failing for a long time. Every day that goes by and people die of hunger (on any part of the world), thirst, illness, poverty. Every day that a family sleeps with the sky as their only roof, every hour that a kid passes without education, school, healthcare and basic needs. Every day that a person gets killed by a bullet or any other act of violence, WE ARE FAILING.

This is our HUMAN DISASTER and that is the only way I want to call it. “Human” because it is our fault, our lack of action, that allows this things to happen every day.

We may think it is somebody’s else responsibility. The government, the military, the powerful, the rich, the poor, the Muslim, the Jewish, the Catholic… For us it is always somebody else, but the truth is that change starts with ourselves, in our own house, our neighborhood, city, state, country and world. Within our own little self-centered lives.

Don’t look for somebody else to blame, don’t search for solutions on other people’s decisions, it is up to you and me to make a difference, because we are that people.

How beautiful a poem I read from Master Thai that says:

(…)

I am the child in Uganda, all skin and bones,
My legs as thin as bamboo sticks,
And I am the arms merchant,
Selling deadly weapons to Uganda.

I am the twelve-year-old girl,
Refugee on a small boat,
Who throws herself into the ocean
After being raped by a sea pirate,
And I am the pirate, my heart not yet capable
Of seeing and loving.

I am a member of the politburo,
With plenty of power in my hands,
And I am the man who has to pay his
“debt of blood” to my people,
dying slowly in a forced labor camp.

(…)

Please call me by my true names,
So I can hear all my cries and my laughs at once,
So I can see that my joy and pain are one.

Please call me by my true names,
So I can wake up,
And so the door of my heart can be left open,
The door of compassion.

-- Thich Nhat Hann

Back in contact with just a click

2005-09-01T18:26:00.000-07:00

There are so many things I love about the web that I am not sure it is worth to enumerate them all. Big number of them are related to my profession of course, others are just small details I've been discovering as I got to use it.

Around ten years ago some of these reasons made me leave my working field at that time; print design, and jump to the web, were I have been an art director for the last nine years.

In love with the new media, the possibilities that it offered me were so tempting I could not resist. I would still do design but now with the possibilities of adding motion, interactivity and sound... the whole package for creating a rich experience.

But what brings me to this posting, are not precisely the professional reasons but other small ones I often take for granted since they have become part of our culture and daily life.

Today I received an email from a friend, Vladimir, a graphic designer that lives in Serbia & Montenegro.

I meet him through the web, as many of my others "e-friends". We both share profession, some hobbies (like love for design) and we both admire each other's work. I cannot remember when was the first time Vlad and I got in contact but just a simple email was the beginning of a friendship. We've never met in person but it does not matter for us; physical appearances don't matter in this world (not that they matter to me in the other one).

Although I lose contact with him quite often (as with many of my others "e-friends") the same number of times I find in my emails inbox a message I rapidly recognize; I don't know any other Vladimir. And as fast as a click, we are chatting about our lives, past adventures and future plans. With a click we get to be friends again.

The inexistency of distance, time and frontiers are the reasons I got to love this medium; the web. And this is why I get to enjoy again Vladimir's excellent work.

So as this posting started, it will end. And soon you will share for a few minutes; if you have the patience to read everything, a bit of my life perhaps feeling some closeness, some contact rubbing for a few seconds - a friendship that may start as this post ends, with just a click.

Cheers Vlad.

Start anew

2005-08-28T15:24:00.000-07:00

Like taking a shower after a busy day, or shaving my head before I start a new project; re-formatting my computer leaves me with this feeling of cleanliness, a new page, a road ahead of me full of secrets and marvels waiting to be discovered.

Once I get over the tiredsome task of reinstalling all my programs (and I have lots of those), recovering the archived emails, importing my old bookmarks and re-organizing the fonts, looking at your computer performing on its expected way is really rewarding. It wakes up my creative juices and I come up with all these crazy ideas about a new web-project, a radical-changing design or the latest illustration.

It is really a fresh start and we all love those. We want to leave behind the heavy baggage we've been carrying around and see the new possibilities of the way in front of us, and we feel happy and positive about life.

This made me think... We don't need to wait for our Hard Drive to go bad, or shave our head to feel fresh (shower is always recommended) if we want to start anew. As a matter of fact every second of our life is a new beginning, a perfect moment, the only moment that is real. The past is gone, the future may never come, so right now is as good as any other moment to start fresh.

I forget this too often and I get tangle with how the past went or the future will go. "Wait until this happen and then I will enjoy life".

Then I re-read some passage from any of Thich Nhat Hanh's books and understand right away what I have to do. I need to be aware of the present moment, the only moment to be alive.

Breathing in, I calm my body.
Breathing out, I smile.
Dwelling in the present moment
I know this is a wonderful moment.
--Thich Nhat Hanh

I am very happy my computer is working fine and I am very happy it broke down, because it gave me the opportunity to start fresh.

Thanks Master Thai.

Keeping Quiet, Pablo Neruda

2005-08-26T08:50:00.000-07:00

Keeping Quiet

Now we will count to twelve
and we will all keep still.

For once on the face of the earth,
let’s not speak in any language,
let’s stop for a second,
and not move our arms so much.

It would be an exotic moment
without rush, without engines;
we would all be together
in a sudden strangeness…

If we were not so single-minded
about keeping our lives moving,
and for once could do nothing,
perhaps a huge silence
might interrupt this sadness
of never understanding ourselves
and of threatening ourselves
with death.

Perhaps the earth can teach us
as when everything seems dead in winter
and later proves to be alive.

Now I’ll count up to twelve
and you keep quiet and I will go.

~ Pablo Neruda, Extravagaria, translated by Alastair Reid

Coming back to my breath

2005-08-26T08:26:00.000-07:00

As with many things in life, you promise yourself you will stick with it, you will go all the way through, but you end up just dropping it as you do with other many deeds.

There is no real excuse to easy your mind, to clean the bad taste left in your mouth by the lack of constancy or will.

As in meditation practice, we can't control how many thought we have on that period of meditation, what the next thought to distract us will be or how long we will be distracted. All we can do is return to our breath when we recognize we have been distracted.

So no blame, no fight, no regrets about all these months without a posting... I recognize I've been distracted. Time to come back to my breath.

Where has the customer service gone?

2005-02-17T10:00:00.000-08:00

I always thought one of the greatest things of this country was its customer service.
To me this reflects the values not only of a company but of an entire society. Whether some people may call it capitalism or marketing strategy (dirty tricks some people says) to keep getting the sales up, the truth is I love to feel pampered or at least well taken care of when I am planning on spending money on a product.

After growing up in a country where the absence of care for the buyer and his/her needs is the norm we all got used to live with (and I am talking about Spain), getting in a store and knowing you will find people ready to help you and answer your questions with knowledge and expertise was a great satisfaction. Not to mention how any complaint or problem was; in most of the cases, solved with grace and speed.

How was my surprise last week, when I went to visit my favorite Apple store.

It has been a year since I didn't step in what I got to call my "geek heaven".
It may be that after this time in Spain dealing with bad service, I was expecting something else. Maybe I even idealized my past experiences; and believe me, I have a bunch of apple products to show for my visits, but to tell you the truth I certainly got disappointed.

I understand Apple has felt the growth of its market big time, for what I can see for the number of people shopping at the time in the store, but I thought this growth was among other things due to the great customer service they were known for, the nice and sleek manners their sales people had; at least to me it was.

I got my first surprise when from the two questions I had about two products I purchased a year ago in that same store, the person whom helped me had no knowledge whatsoever.
I don't expect any of the guys on the floor to know all the answers to all the questions any customer can come up with, I even understand they go to the back room and consult with other sales representatives, but what seems a bit odd is the fact that they came back with some answers that even to me; a non-expert, sounded more than weak (and as I searched on the web later where totally wrong).

I felt as if they were not interested on wasting time helping me, while they could be selling a 5.000$ G5 to raise their commission. I have already spent my good bucks on the store before, they already put my money in their pockets and I have the two laptops at home, my G4 and all the rest of the stuff, so what else there is to be?.

What about the CUSTOMER SERVICE?
What about all of us who have been using Apple for the last 15 years or more?... ooops my mistake, I expected to be treated as a friend, as part of the club. But got to see I have become simply a bank account.

It is not only my Apple experience that makes me write my posting. I have been feeling as if the customer service that American companies used to offer has gone down the drains. Big companies are more concerned about making big money and crushing the competition, than the happiness of their customers.

It is just too bad we customers don't seem to have much tools to fight back, besides bitch and complain on personal bloggers like this...

Boy, I feel like I'm back in Spain.

Wireless

2005-02-17T08:19:00.000-08:00

Finally, I went wireless, and I say finally not only because it was something I've been wanting to do for a long time; since apple came up with the airport, but because finding the right cable's exit in my new apartment had became quite a challenge.
The only connection available was in my bedroom and my office is downstairs, which made a challenge to run an extension all over the house.

Anyway, I imagined the wireless to be a good thing, but never expected it to be so awesome!!!.

The set up was easy and it works so smooth. I love to be able to sit on my couch and answer my emails, or chat with my friends while resting in bed. Not being connected to a cable coming out the wall feels almost as if I had cut off my umbilical cord to bring back my independence.

Is this new independence creating a dependence in a web connection?

Back in California

2005-02-13T11:00:00.000-08:00

Sorry about the delay, but you may understand I have been quite busy with the move.
I am finally back in Orange County,California. For the past two weeks, we had to find apartment, fill it with furniture and organize the stuff we brought from Spain. It has been a challenging time for the all family, but we finally have made it.

It feels as if it was just yesterday than we left for Spain. Now our year in Europe is becoming kind of a dream, something we surely enjoyed but that starts seeming a bit unreal. It may be we have found an apartment close to where we used to live before; so pretty much we came back to the neighborhood... It feels as if we had never left.

Now the new challenge is starting our life again. Almost from zero.
I should be used to this by now, considering how many times we have moved in the past, and how many times we have left everything we had behind, but it keeps being hard anyway.

I haven't had time to think about what I want to do with my future. I don't know how much room on it I will have for design; client design I would say. I am lost in this empty space looking around, trying to see some land on the horizon, but so far I was only able to keep afloat shaken by the sea waves. Trying to survive.

Has any of you felt this lost before?

Good night.

Capitan América

2005-01-15T04:11:00.000-08:00

Nunca me han gustado las despedidas – si es que hay alguien a quien le gusten--. Las despedidas, son demasiado simples y pequeñas para describir realmente la totalidad de la pérdida.

La palabra “adios” como la de “amor”, jamás puede contener los sentimientos de todos los momentos pasados con las personas a las que dejas y la importancia de la pérdida, en lugar de asestarte un único y golpe final, se irá allargando y depositandose en el corazón a como gotas cayendo de un grifo que no se puede cerrar.

No sé cuando ni como, en Masmadera (la compañía en la que trabajábamos) descubrimos el truco de desdoblarnos.
Cuando las puertas de la oficina se cerraban y como el mismo Houdini convertidos en escapistas deslizándonos fuera de nuestra piel de trabajador, nos convertíamos en amigos. Olvidábamos cualquier fricción que hubiésemos podido tener en la oficina (fricciones que cuando se trabaja enun grupo tan reducido como el nuestro, más de ocho horas diarias, cinco días a la semana son por otra parte inevitables) y aparecía ese lazo de unión.

Me cuesta creer que encontraré en el futuro un grupo de personas tan especiales y aún menos trabajando juntas. Después de diez años de vivir en un pais ajeno, sé muy bien lo importante que es tener una genuina conexión con las personas con las que trabajas.

Yo por suerte y aunque solo por un año he gozado de esto. Por eso ayer, mientras nos despedíamos en un bar de Fuencarral, por primera vez en mi vida deseé con todas mis fuerzas, que ese adios significase verdaderamente “HASTA SIEMPRE”.

Ahora tengo al Capitán América como testigo de ello.

Un abrazo a Jose, Pou y Javier, y un besazo a Ana, Lorena, Begoña Zuloaga, Begoña Múgica, Bárbara, Raquel y Virginia, con especial suerte a las futuras mamas. Y gracias a Jose María por todo.

Another one bites the dust

2005-01-12T13:37:00.000-08:00

Today has been one of those days that seem to drag forever.
Besides the daily doses of packing, and home related matters --yes I helped my wife to vacuum my kid's room, and made lunch-- the hours stretched while waiting for something interesting to happen.

It is not as if I was expecting to receive some news about those millions I won playing lotto (mostly because I never play), but certainly I needed something to fill up that emptiness I was carrying all day long.

I ran out of books to read, we packed all my comics and surfing on the net,.. well it just didn’t do it. Forget about TV; not being a fan of it in general I have to tell you, the programs in Spain are awful.

So at the end of the day and looking at the calendar I only can say: ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST.

Good night

APPLE-LOVE

2005-01-11T08:51:00.000-08:00

The race seems to have started. Today was time to pack most of my computer stuff. I have to say "see you later" to my flat screen, and my old good friend G3 (grape color).
Even though I still have my powerbook; which I will be carrying with me during the trip, saying goodbye to my computer is a clear proof that I am definitely moving.

My desk and all the things that live within it are what I call my altar. Pens and papers, my Spawn-figures' collection, Frank Miller's "MARV" sitting on his electric chair chuckling: "It's that all you can get, you pansies?" while shakes with a new electric shock I deliver him. {by the way do not miss the new movie from Robert Rodriguez: SIN CITY, based on the comics collection from Frank Miller/. All those useless nick nacs that seemed to appear magically from nowhere and that I start collecting.

I have to confess how hard it has been to be a Mac user in Spain, or maybe I just got to work with some people too defensive of their PCs. It seems the use of Apple is not as extended in Spain as it is in USA. If graphic designers for print seem to be the ones carrying the flag, the world of the design on line it's been majorly dominated by PC users.
So I had to get used not only to hear continuous crap about how bad is Mac compare to PC, but to work with windows XP.

I've always been a Mac user. I love these babes, it is not rational anymore, it is something visceral. I am not close to be an expert, not even a good knowledgeable man in the world of personal computers to been able to give scientific comparisons or reasons to justify why I love so much my Apple. But again, who needs to find a reason to justify why they love their girlfriends, or wives or pets; whatever you love.
Ey, ey, ey, of course I am not comparing the love I have to my wife to what I feel for my computer, I am just trying to prove my point.

Anyway, finding Apple support in Spain has been a pain in the neck, so I am glad I will have a couple of Apple-stores close by and I will be able to enjoy my weekly visits to my favorite store, to drool over the new design of the coming G5 and know for a few minutes I am not alone in this crazy feeling some people call APPLE-LOVE.

Welcome to my blog

2005-01-10T04:23:00.000-08:00

Here I am again; or better to say, here I am for the first time, considering I've never used a blog before.
The idea of this blog is to keep someway a diary or a follow up documentary of my trip back to California.
For those of you who don't know my recent history, I've been living in sunny California for the last 10 years. Last winter we decided to move back to Spain; where I have my familly, and try to make it here, but it just didn't work.
So we are going back to Cali.

Everybody asked me about reasons. Mostly my parents; whom i have hurted with this decission. But it is difficult to explain to other people, when they are not living your life, when they are not inside your head. When the culture and the way we conceive life is so different.

I know my life needs a turn. I wouldn't say a 180, but definetly 90 degrees. I have to rethink what I want from life, what part on this takes my family and what part my work. So many questions unanswer, such a hard road to walk, again...

Where should I start?

Have a good night guys.